Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
