So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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