i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize