Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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