I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
All the doctor said was why
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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