after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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