I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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