we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
