at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
