Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
