Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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