the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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