You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
