i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
