You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize