I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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