His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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