Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Randomize
