So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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