he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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