My hand turned me down
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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