Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
