yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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