hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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