worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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