she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
