I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
...so i touched it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
