New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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