Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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