she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
