i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So vagazzling was a success
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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