I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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