please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize