Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
