i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
false alarm, still single
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