i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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