none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
