U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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