i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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