guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize