Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
