how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My vagina is officially offended.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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