You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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