I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize