she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
