just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
