I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
