Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
