I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am naked and annoyed.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
