I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
