I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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