Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize