break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize