I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry đŹ
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
