if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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