all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
