he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
