If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
