Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize