Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
