Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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