What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
