3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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