What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
