Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
