You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
