If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
