real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
