dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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