She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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