What did we do last night that was yellow?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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