Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
