He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
