how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
