we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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