Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize